After Me, You Come First

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After Me, You Come First | Dre BaldwinIn a 2-year span of my life, there were about 3-4 occurrences when I reached out to some female I had been involved with and told her that our relationship was best as us just being friends moving forward. Usually the person saying that (me) means it, but it very rarely happens since the other person — the girl in these cases — wasn’t thinking the same way and had just, essentially, been dumped.

Almost every time, they unfollowed/blocked me on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram within 72 hours.

I understand. Adults become children when they’re charged emotionally.

I read a blog post a few years ago (author and title details escape me) whose essential point was this: “I don’t do anything I don’t want to do.” Derek Sivers wrote a post that said when someone asks him to do something, if his response isn’t “Hell YES!!” then he says NO.

Jim Rohn said his father used to say, “Son, after me, you come first.”

When you’re on an airplane and the oxygen masks drop, your first responsibility is to help yourself — then the kids, then your grandmother, then the fat guy who can’t raise his arms above his head. When you’re suffocating and dying, you’re no help to anyone.

If you’re unhappy in a situation, it is your responsibility to get the hell out of it or drastically change it, even if it brings pain to someone else. You’re not responsible for her or him until you’ve taken care of YOU.

Voluntarily enduring unhappiness for the sake of someone else doesn’t make you a hero or someone to be celebrated. It makes you a fool.

You don’t owe anyone. You only get one of these life things to live. Waste it at your own peril.