As we grow we get really good at talking. Makes sense, since we do more talking than anything. So far in your life — how many words do you think you’ve spoken in total? We’re experts in tailoring our words.
When people give you an excuse, it’s usually a good one. It makes sense, it’s logical, and usually ironclad enough that you can’t overcome the objection but to point out that it’s an excuse (which usually isn’t enough to move someone to action, despite this).
Excuses are good reasons, given by talking experts, to cover up real reasons. Real reasons are the type of answers people won’t give you for a handful of reasons. People are very uncomfortable with telling other people the following things:
- I don’t like you.
- I don’t trust you.
- I don’t believe in you/me enough.
- I’m not as good as you/I don’t have what you have (skills/resources/confidence).
And it wouldn’t be smart to pull these out of people. If you do, many times you’ve lost someone once they admit this to you – it’s like being stripped naked in front of a crowd (of even one person). A lot of people are uncomfortable naked.
You have to decipher the real reason while listening to the good reason. Then, overcome the real reason while talking as if you’re addressing the good reason. This is an advanced skill of communication that few possess. But, once mastered, it can do wonders for you.