You made it clear that you were very interested in the opportunity.
You hoped that things would turn in your favor.
But you ended up not being chosen. Let’s talk about how to deal with this feeling.
I remember the first time I was not chosen.
I was in the second grade, and had run for school treasurer. I lost. My mom asked me about the election results that day after school. I wound up crying about it, upset that I didn’t win.
I had made myself available, and been passed over by fellow students who had voted, en masse, for someone else.
Any time you apply for a job or try out for a team, the hiring manager or coach gets to decide about you, and their decision is final — regardless of how qualified or how much better than the other applicants you think are.
To get the gig, ultimately, someone has to choose you.
The good thing about the Internet and all the platforms available on it, is that we can create our own paths.
You can start your own business and build your own brand. You don’t need anyone’s approval or OK to have a website, or to create a product and sell it, or to share how you feel. In a growing number of spaces, you don’t need to wait for permission.
There was a time not long ago when there was no way to put a music album out independently: some company had to approve of the artist in order for the artist to share their work. But now, there are a plethora of known musicians with real fan bases who didn’t even considering pitching themselves to major record labels. They release their work via open platforms and let the fans come to them.
Drake is an example of this — an artist who parlayed his independent buzz into major-company business.
Jay-Z is another. No one offered to sign him; he opted to start his own company and got his music released as a joint venture (Jay-Z also maintained ownership of his material, very rare for an artist at that time).
When Jay-Z finally got a big-name company (Def Jam) to do a deal with him, it wasn’t the typical artist deal (which basically makes the artist an employee of the company): Def Jam and Jay-Z’s Roc-A-Fella did a 50-50 deal where Jay-Z & Co. were treated like the owners they were, not workers.
You don’t have to be in the sport or entertainment business, or trying to get famous in any way, to go over the top of the not-chosen problem. You can be a doctor, a dog trainer, a babysitter who chooses to create your own platform and deal with your audience of fans, clients, and customers directly.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to go out and make your own lanes — and the examples are plentiful.
Start by sharing your abilities with other people in a way that helps them. Do that, and now you’ve got credibility and maybe some notoriety. You have a name. You exist.
Human eyesight is average at best, when compared to that of other living things. Human vision — seeing what doesn’t tangibly exist — is, in aggregate, much worse.
Knowing this, the next time you’re in a position where you’re trying to get a shot and no one gives it to you, keep your emotions in check. Don’t lash out. Don’t complain about it.
Go create your own shot, do it your own way, then watch as the same people who passed on you before (because their sight couldn’t see it and their vision couldn’t imagine it) come back to you after you’ve built a reputation, something that exists.
Something that they can’t not see.
Now things flip around: now you get to choose amongst them.
You no longer have to wait for anyone to give you permission to do anything — you can do it yourself. Take the initiative, believe in yourself, put it out there and see what happens.
What’s the worst that’s going to happen? No one liking it?
You’ve already been there.
There was a time when being chosen was the only way to succeed in many areas. That time is over. While some circumstances (hired for a job, picked for a team) may not change for awhile, you now have clear and empowering alternatives now, just in case you choose-me campaign falls short. And, honestly — you might be better off never even considering the get-chosen path.
- Work On Your Game: Use The Pro Athlete Mindset To Dominate Your Game In Business, Sports And Life
- #1110: Going From “Chosen” To “Choosing” In Life
- #1090: How To Promote Yourself
- #1057: Never Adjust Yourself Just to Fit In
- #1038: How To Get Past The Toughest Gatekeeper In Life: Yourself
PS – I’m giving a FREE, live event at Books And Books Coral Gables (Miami) on June 22: It Takes More Than Hard Work. I’ll be discussing my book Work On Your Game, autographing any books purchased on-site, taking photos and answering questions in a live Q&A. Register for the free event here.