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Have you ever known people who always seem to drain your energy? Every time you’re around them you feel less “alive” than you were before. They seem to suck all the life out of rooms, teams, situations, and people. You need to be equipped with the skills to identify these people and subsequently get them the hell away from you. Listen up.
[TRANSCRIPT] Energy-Draining People
How do I identify and stay away from energy-draining people?
How do I make sure that I am not one of those people?
Is there anybody in your life that makes you feel drained every time you’ve talked, hung out or spent too much time with them?
You could have been feeling great before you saw them. But, after you have been with that person, your energy feels lowered and you think,
“What happened to all my energy? Every time I get around this person, my energies just seem to get lower. I just seem to go from a good mood to an okay mood to a bad mood.”
I’ll be helping you identify who these people are in your life, and teach you what you need to do once you identify them.
You need to limit your time with these people.
You need to get away from them.
Who are they and how do I find them?
Think about anyone you know who falls into any of these categories; I guarantee, you know some people like this:
Whenever you’re around them, you just feel tired afterward.
Do you ever hesitate to answer a call from a specific person? In other words, when they call, do you have to take a moment and think to yourself:
“Do I really want to have a 20-minute conversation that only has 2 minutes worth of information? Do I really feel like answering this call?”
Do you know someone whom you see somewhere and think “I hope they don’t see me.”
But then, they see you and start coming towards your direction. As they do this, you already know that your energy is going to go down because you have to talk to this person and you have to be polite.
The one trait of an energy-draining person is that whenever you’re around them, you feel like you have less energy than before.
It’s not a coincidence.
It’s not the universe.
It’s not you.
If you’re around another person consistently, and you feel tired after dealing with them, that person is an “energy-draining person.” You need to get away from them.
You always have to take the initiative when you’re dealing with that person.
You always have to reach out to them and say, “Hey, let’s get this done.”
You always have to come to their office and say, “Hey, we have to get these papers signed.”
You always have to call them and say, “Yo, you know we’re supposed to go run 2 miles every morning, right?”
These are the people you have to persuade to participate in an activity that would benefit them. Sometimes, it may only benefit them but you still have to take charge.
If you and that person will have a conversation, you have to be the person to call.
If you and that person will do some business, you have to be the one to set it up, get all the logistics done, do all the research and make sure you have all the I’s dotted and the T’s crossed.
If you and that person are going to go out to the movies, You have to be the one to research the movie; you have to find a time; you have to find out how much it costs; you have to pick which theater you’re going to go to; you have to be the one who drives and make sure there’s gas in the car.
Anytime you’re dealing with this person, you seem to be the one who is always taking initiative, making everything happen, making all the phone calls, having all the conversations, and investing all the energy even though both of you are equally benefiting.
When it seems like you’re the only one who is putting out energy when you deal with someone, that is another sign that the person you’re dealing with is an energy-draining individual.
You always have to coax that person into doing things to help themselves.
The energy-draining person always has to be coaxed, persuaded, pushed, intimidated, or moved into doing something to help themselves. Even when they are aware that it would be beneficial for them, they still don’t do it without your influence.
You always have to take initiative, to get them to think about or do something.
You have to persuade them into doing something that will help them.
To recap, there are 3 ways that you can identify energy-draining people.
These signs do not form a combination lock where you need all 3 traits to identify an energy-draining individual. Anyone of these characteristics can be a sign…
- You’re tired. Every time you deal with that person
Whether in conversation, in person, or when you are playing a sport with them, you feel tired when dealing with them because they suck all the energy out of you.
- You always have to take the initiative when dealing with this person.
They don’t take initiative. They wait for things to happen to and for them. You’re a person who makes things happen so you’re the one who is always taking the lead when you’re dealing with this person.
- You have to coax or persuade them into doing things that they actually need to do for themselves.
It may not even be beneficial to you at all but because you’re a good person, you care, and you want to help somebody,you’re coaxing them into doing something that would actually help them, but they wouldn’t have done a thing if it wasn’t for your involvement.
If there is anyone you know that belongs to any of the above categories, you are dealing with an energy-draining person.
What do I need to do?
- You need to limit your time with that person.
There are certain people that have assets that make them necessary in your life. For example, a business associate, teammate, people with specific skills or knowledge that you don’t have. These are the energy-draining people that you have to keep around and can’t get away from. You can still deal with that person — be nice, be cordial, be friendly. But you must put on a set of mental ear muffs, or mental blinders. This means that when you’re around that person, you can hear what they’re saying, you can see what they’re doing, but you’re not watching what they’re doing and you’re not listening to what they’re saying.
There’s a difference between hearing and listening.
You could hear the podcast, and not know anything that I was talking about, or you can listen to it and know exactly what I’m talking about.
There’s a difference between seeing and watching.
You can just see somebody crossing the street, or you can watch somebody walk across the street, and notice some things about them.
When you’re around an energy-draining person that you have to stay around or you’re choosing to keep in your life, make sure you put on a set of mental ear muffs, mental blinders, or mental sunglasses, that allow you to see and hear them, but not watch or listen to them.
- You need to get the hell away from them — if you can.
Stop dealing with them, in general. You can stop answering their calls or emails; you can stop following them on any form of social media; when you see them in person, you can give them a “cold shoulder.” You don’t have to explain to them why you don’t want to deal with them anymore, just don’t deal with them.
Those are the only 2 ways to deal with an energy-draining individual. You have to make the choice of whether you’re going to be around them or not. You have to make that decision.
The first thing you need to do is identify who the energy-draining people are in your life. Then, you need to get them away from you because your energy is 85% of anything that you’re doing in life. It has nothing to do with your skills, ability, talent, and resources. If you have people around you who are draining your energy, then they are taking away that 85% that you need to do the things in your life.
That is why it is so important to identify these people by using the information that I gave you; and then, get the hell away from them, either in spirit or in fact.