We are biologically wired for sex; it’s the way you came to exist and the only way humans will continue to exist on earth (save for cloning, I guess).
Everyone is looking, consciously or unconsciously, for the right girl or guy to have sex with. Being the observer that I am, this post shares with you where you can find good women, not necessarily just for sex, but for meaningful relationships or even friendships that improve the quality of your life.
By quality, I mean:
- Intelligence. You can’t learn everything on your own. Follow my advice, and you will meet women who know stuff that you don’t know — stuff that will make you and your life better.
- Experiences. Women who have been where and done what you have not, which will open your mind to new possibilities (that is, if you are open-minded and forward-thinking as well).
- Relationships. Not just with the girl — high-quality women will know and introduce you to other high-quality people who you’d be happy to meet and maybe work with. The value of a person is more than just in them — it’s also in who they know. The Law Of Association is real.
The judgements shared here should be weighed against my personal perspective, so keep in mind the following:
- I’m no longer single, so I’m not looking. But I still frequent (and have frequented) some of the places I’ll mention here, albeit as an innocent browser now, and not a willing buyer.
- I have not utilized an online dating site or app since 2014.
- I live in Miami, Florida, which probably has more attractive women per capita than anywhere in the USA except for (maybe) Manhattan, Los Angeles, and possibly Las Vegas (*a place that kinda doesn’t count, since many of the people are just visiting). Over the past ten years I’ve lived and worked everywhere in Miami, from Downtown to Midtown to Brickell to South Beach — in other words, places where people pay extra to live/eat/exercise/party, and places where people come/go to “experience” Miami if visiting.
- I’m 6’4”, Black and a former professional athlete (though not a famous one) who’s still in game-shape. This is mentioned because some men who’ve approached me for dating/female advice believe these attributes help my cause with women without me saying or doing anything, and they surely do; some women like tall/Black/in-shape men. Just know that you don’t need to be any of these to utilize what I’m sharing in this post.
- I’m not walk-down-the-street famous. I go to CVS and Whole Foods by myself all the time, and no one recognizes me (if they do, they don’t tell me about it). When I was available and dating, any dating success I experienced came from (in order of importance) physical attractiveness, communication skill and timing/location. I cannot help you with the first one, but the second is covered in my Get The Girl course, and the third is addressed in this piece.
One other thing, a key point that shall apply to everything I share below: Don’t Be Thirsty.
Thirsty, as defined by Urban Dictionary: when you are horny for some ass.
Don’t be that.
Be composed and calm, and carry yourself like you’re not a virgin (even if you are, or might as well be, based on your current dating drought). Always remember that desperation repels people. Be assertive and opportunistic while still carrying yourself as if everything will come to you. Get The Girl teaches you how this is done.
That out of the way, if you’re a single, heterosexual man, here are the places to go — and what to do in those places — to meet high-quality women (I’ll also explain what makes the women at these places high-quality).
1. Yoga and Pilates Classes (At The Best Available Gym***)
Russell Simmons is the most famous man I’ve heard actually admitting it: he started going to yoga so often because of the preponderance of women in the classes.
If you’ve ever taken a yoga or Pilates class (if you haven’t, you need to, ASAP), you know: Russell was right.
I won’t try explaining the difference between yoga and Pilates; just know that they’re different and that you’d maximize your dating possibilities by attending both, not just one. You’ll get yourself in better shape in the process, too (though I’d add that for Pilates, much more than with yoga, the right instructor is key to your experience).
[***The reason for the “Best Gyms” note: the gyms that cost more than others, the ones which people choose to pay more for, simply attract higher quality people, period. I don’t want to go too deep in exploring why this is (I did so here), but it IS. Look at first class vs. flying coach, eating at a high-end restaurant vs. Burger King, or living in a high rise condominium vs. a “regular” neighborhood.
Things that cost more, and which people voluntarily pay more to have, attract a different element of person, and when you have voluntarily chosen the higher-priced option, the people you meet within that option treat you as someone who understands the value of higher-quality stuff. It is from this element of persons that you want to choose your girls.]
I used to be a member of the now-defunct (at least in SoFla) David Barton Gym at the Gansevoort (now 1 Hotel) in South Beach. DBG’s membership was $115/month, which is high as hell, and still well worth it. The location was perfect and the gym was huge. There was a whole lot of equipment that was constantly kept cleaned. The locker rooms and showers were clean, and had soap that you would buy for your own home, not the cheap “Brand X” shit you’d get in LA Fitness. Lots of soft towels. The gym was well taken-care-of.
The women of DBG looked, talked and felt as nice as the gym sounds.
David Barton Gym had a large spa, and two outdoor pools.
And the class instructors were top notch. Great instructors make for great classes, and great classes — the yoga and Pilates ones at least, two things I’d never tried before joining DBG — bring beautiful, shapely women.
[Women who happen to be reading this: please do not feign offense at any of the above or what you’ll read below. This is the shit that men think and talk about all the time.]
The above points about paying more for a gym aren’t to sound price-snobbish. These days, in fact, I am an LA Fitness member who pays 33% of what I would pay if I were to join, say, an Equinox that’s the same distance from home. The difference for me now is, I’m single and spend 30-45 minutes per day at the gym; back in the DBG days I spent 3 hours a day in the gym (and was, at times, single and looking). I don’t need the women-at-the-gym angle anymore.
Why Yoga and Pilates Are A Good Place To Meet Women: The women in yoga and Pilates are healthy, or at least trying to be (read: take care of their bodies, which includes their minds), flexible (or getting there; creating a regular 10-minutes-per-day yoga practice for myself saved my basketball career), happy (regular exercise promotes positive energy) and attractive.
Members of a class, especially regulars, have the shared experience of taking the class. Plus, yoga/pilates attire for women is usually some form of compression clothing; you can see every fold and crease in a woman’s body when she’s in yoga class (sound a little creep-ish? Get over it. These are things men think about when we’re single in a yoga class. Just the facts).
How To Meet Women at Yoga and Pilates Classes: If you want to meet females casually, with low pressure, maybe even converse a few times before you make a move, become a class regular:
- Come to the same classes consistently. People grow comfortable around familiar faces. Make yourself a known, non-threatening presence by being in the same classes, at the same times on the same days often, and…
- Learn the “stuff” of the class (movements, phraseology, equipment). This shows that you’re there for the actual class instruction, not just some creep guy there to put your mat in the back and ogle girls. Which reminds me —
- Don’t ogle the females. They’ll always be there; they’re not going away. If you have something you want to say to a woman, walk up to her and say it — don’t be the weirdo who stares but never speaks.
- Get there before class and hang around after class. Here is when the conversations happen. The people who are really into the class — they like the instruction and the material — will often get there early, and they’ll hang out afterward, talking to the instructor and anyone else they know or have grown comfortable with (because they see you every time). You can become one of these known people by following all these points.
2. Whole Foods
One of my favorite establishments, good for seeing me two times per week on average (before Amazon Prime home delivery).
I, too, used to think of Whole Foods as “Whole Paycheck,” back before I learned better (or had even shopped at Whole Foods)— and before I started meeting so many females who shopped and ate organic, healthy, and/or “clean” lifestyles (this happened either by coincidence or an act of God, I guess).
As I tend to be inquisitive, I asked these women myriad questions.
What makes organic food better? What is “clean eating”? How can I be vegetarian or vegan and still maintain and build muscle? Isn’t veganism for women who go to yoga studios? Can an athlete live a plant-based lifestyle and still perform at a high level?
Why Whole Foods is A Great Place To Meet Women: Similar to the gym, it’s a frequent-visit establishment; we all have to eat, and Whole Foods regulars (like me) wouldn’t dare buy produce from inferior stores. Though some of us are not as regimented about grocery shopping as we are for exercising, go often enough and you’ll see familiar faces and/or cast a wide net of possibles.
The aisles and checkout lines are places where people stop and pause; your woman of choice could be a sitting duck for you (if you have the game to close). Again: don’t be a creep. Either approach and speak, or keep moving.
Here’s why you’ll find good women at Whole Foods —
Generally speaking, these women care about putting the best stuff in their bodies and are willing to pay more to do so, as there’s always a “regular” grocery store within a stone’s throw of every Whole Foods (which means every shopper in there chose the costlier Whole Foods). As I’ve told you, people who will voluntarily pay more for (what is at least perceived as) higher-quality stuff are usually higher quality people.
Whole Foods women take care of their bodies in other ways: you can assume (or see their bodies and tell) that they exercise regularly; talk to some and you may learn (I’d bet on this) they have something in their heads that would be useful for thought-provoking conversation. If you can get as far as a conversation is a different matter altogether — keep reading.
How To Meet Women at Whole Foods: So, how can you bag women like groceries (Note: never use this phrase out loud) without being a grocery store creep?
- Be a regular. Know where items are in the store. Have an idea of what you’re getting when you walk in. Actually buy stuff. If you’re a single heterosexual man, become a Whole Foods regular and you’ll want to keep coming back on your own volition as you feel the effects of your food choices on your body (hopefully) and see the women who shop there (definitely). The more comfortable you are with the store, the easier you can pay attention to other things, like the woman in aisle 3 who just gave you a look.
- Don’t stalk or stare. This is a perpetuating rule. Just like at the gym, no one likes the creepy guy who stares and looks but never approaches or speaks. If you want to make a move, make the damn move. If you’re not sure she’s interested, go for it anyway — or don’t. Do anything other than leering at a female. Once she notices you looking but not speaking, you’ll either creep her out (if she’s not interested) or lose man-credibility and your status shrinks (in her eyes) because you obviously don’t have the balls to speak up (if she is interested). And please, whatever you do, never follow a woman around a store. People get arrested for that.
- If she’s interested, you’ll know — if you’re paying attention. In my experience, an interested woman is not going to give super-obvious come-here-now signals that act as your opening to move. It may be the slightest eye contact or glance, or the faintest of smiles that shows what she’s thinking. If you miss these signals, you’ll either be talking to women who are not interested in you, or missing out on those who are — probably both. To sense the right women and the right moments, you’ll need your senses, namely those of sight and sound, to be alert. Take off your cool guy shades, get the headphones out of your ears and notice the life forms milling about around you.
- Look like your (best) self. This does not mean you get dressed up or acquire a new wardrobe just for grocery shopping. It’s exactly the opposite: go to Whole Foods looking like who you normally are. If you work out a lot, you don’t need to change out of your gym clothes. If you wear a suit every day, that’s you. My point is, someone who meets you while you’re being you is more likely to accept that that is you later when she sees it wasn’t just a that-day thing.
3. Dog Parks
When the weather is nice, the dog park is a casual, relaxing place where we go to watch our four-legged friends frolic with other dogs and roll themselves in the dirt. The great thing is, the only criteria for being at a dog park, usually, is that you have a dog. If you don’t have a dog, this tip is not for you. Stalking a dog park sans dog is weird and not recommended.
Why the Dog Park?: Off the top, having a dog implies stability: You have to have some level of discipline to care for your dog, and some amount of compassion to bring the dog to the park, which is a step further than merely walking your dog or letting it shit and piss on your balcony then washing it off onto the ground below (don’t act like you haven’t seen this; happens in Miami all the time).
A lot of people have dogs; not every dog owner/walker shows up at dog parks though. Which ones do?
- Those dog owners who see value in dedicating time to letting the dog have fun and play, and not just being subject to the owner’s whims and schedule — an underrated attribute of the dog park frequenter. You’re around people who care enough about their dogs to do something that’s mostly for the dog’s benefit. Shitty, jerk-ish people don’t do this, and they rarely visit dog parks.
- Dog owners who live in some proximity to, or would travel to, an actual dog park. I don’t know about your town, but there ain’t no damn dog parks where I grew up; we called them back yards. A community with a dog park has people who decided that, instead of another house, parking lot or a Walgreen’s, maybe a park for dogs would be a great idea. Dog parks are usually in quality areas; quality areas are usually populated with quality people.
- Just like in the checkout line at Whole Foods, a dog-park-attentive dog owner is a sitting duck whose options are limited. Her dog is in the enclosed space; your dog is in the space. You have something in common.
How To Meet Women At Dog Parks: You’re there. She’s there, and so are the furry ones. Now what?
- Go there regularly. Not so you’ll be a known face — dog park visits are hardly routine for most owners — but to maximize your chances of meeting someone from this select group.
- Bonus if you can break the ice with something other than talking about the dogs. Yes, that’s the commonality, but so is the produce aisle in Whole Foods, and I’m not approaching a woman with, how about that romaine lettuce? Talking about something other than the obvious gives a glimpse into your range of thinking and conversation. And it shows confidence in that you’re not sticking to the low-hanging fruit. Use your skills of observation to find a good ice breaking topic; 25 Conversation Starters will supply the ammo.
4 & 5. (Hypothesis) Run Clubs & Dance Classes
This one is a hypothesis – a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation — simply because I don’t do run clubs (anymore) or dance classes (ever). You can find out more, though.
I ran with the Brickell Run Club in Miami a time or three with my lady. We didn’t stick to it for a few reasons.
First off, they ran in the evenings; I like to run in the mornings and go to bed in the evenings.
Secondly, the runs were not long enough (usually ~5K ish) and I was keeping pace with my lady, who’s not a runner (our best day was an 11-minute/mile pace, which for me, is basically walking) and I was marathon training at the time.
Third, she stopped wanting to run, and that was that. What I do know, though, is there were a lot of females at the run club. So the opportunity is clearly there.
I’ve never been into the dance class thing, it’s not for me. My lady has done salsa dance though, and I went to one of their socials — basically a dance party — and could clearly see what would keep a woman-seeking man showing up to such a place.
I dated a dancer awhile back, and she had this saying that dance was a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. I like that (she said it, not me). Music creates and enhances energy and good vibes; we associate that good energy with the environments and people we’re around; and dance is heart-rate-raising exercise. Why wouldn’t you want to come back to a dance class (if you like dance)?
You remember the school dances as a kid: It was usually the girls who started dancing first, and the males followed. Well then, who do you think is coming to all those adult dance classes?
To go along with what I said about yoga and pilates classes, dance and running are physical activities. Any woman who’s coming consistently probably takes care of her body in myriad ways outside of dance, and it often shows.
How To Meet Women At Dance Class:
- The first step is the same as at yoga class: Be consistent. Come to class consistently.
- Do the stuff the class is doing and which the instructor is teaching. Show that you’re there for the actual dancing.
- Develop some skill at doing the movements, which should happen if you’re following the two points above.
- Establish yourself as a regular before you try to put your bid in with a female — unless, of course, she initiates the conversation (spoken or unspoken).
So there you have it. Now that you’re in the room and surrounded by opportunity, you may now have the challenge of actually talking to women you see/meet — my Get The Girl course and 25 Conversation Starters book will solve that problem.
In the meantime, Work On Your Game. You’re gonna need it.