I was relatively inexperienced in every way, and even when my instincts told me an attractive girl — my high school (GW Carver HS of Engineering & Science, or E&S for short) had plenty to choose from — was interested, my conscious mind had no idea what to do.
Ironically, I lost my virginity to a girl who was in college at the time.
My freshman year of college at Penn State Abington, there was a girl there who knew most of the black guys on campus (there weren’t many of us). She was black too, so it made sense. It helped that she was a dancer, and the dance team practiced upstairs from the basketball court, so I saw her almost every day in her dance uniform.
Dance does wonders for a woman’s body. Or maybe the women who already have the bodies are attracted to dance. Whatever — not the point.
I could see her noticing me sometimes but all the same, I was completely clueless as to how to start such a conversation. We came to know each other, though, through mutual friends on and around the basketball team.
One day four of us — me, her, a teammate, and another black guy on campus — were sitting in the cafeteria and the conversation turned to the females on campus. It was early in fall semester, with me being the only freshman at the table; the males had noticed the fresh meat walking around Abington.
I listened as the guys discussed their possibilities and chances, then the girl gestures towards me and said, quite matter-of-factly,
“He could probably get any girl he wants.”
She wasn’t trying to motivate me or goad me into any actions (it turned out she had a boyfriend the whole time, anyway). She really meant that. It was the first time I had ever heard that and the first time I had ever considered that possibility.
By the time I’d graduated college I had grown to truly believe it and act on it.
Reality is whatever you decide to believe.
Sometimes other people can see potentialities in you that you can’t see in yourself. Keep your mind open enough to listen to it all — you have the luxury of picking and choosing which you want to keep and apply.