Why People Who Hate You Pretend To Like You…

In People Skills
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Life is a constant battle. 

Situations will test you. 

People will challenge you. 

The situations and people whose challenges you don’t meet, will come at you again and again. 

Think of the schoolyard bully that you give your lunch money to. They’ll come to expect that $5 from you every single day. 

Not everyone is built for such challenges — but they still have to live and get around in life. 

So, what do they do? 

They become friendly. 

Agreeable. 

Compromising.

Nice. 

They appear to value getting along above all other considerations. 

It’s not because the people in question really are those things, or because they want to use these traits so much. It’s because making a show of friendliness and agreeableness keeps people from challenging you. 

It helps you avoid any possible confrontation. 

The people who most fervently extol the virtues of getting along and niceness are doing so for one of two reasons.  

1) Since they’re already in power, this front is designed to keep everyone else in line and the person in power unchallenged. Anyone who goes against the “norm,” then, must be wrong. 

Or…

2) Lacking power, their niceness compensates for the user’s lack of internal fortitude. They don’t agree with everything, and they don’t like everybody — but they have to pretend that they do, lest they have to face their biggest fear: interpersonal challenge, a battle they could lose. 

Many people are afraid of disturbing the status quo, questioning the accepted norms, of standing out from the group by being the one person with a differing POV. 

So they pretend to go along with everyone else. 

Then one day, they take a look at themselves and their life and wonder why they’re unhappy and unfulfilled. 

If you’re antsy about challenge and conflict, here’s the secret: so is damn near everyone else. 

They’re all playing it safe and “nice,” hoping that you’re the same way. 

The problem with this is that it ends in a whole lot of compromises, which often leaves no one fully satisfied. 

Remember the first sentence of this post: Life is a constant battle. 

This doesn’t mean that you’ll have to go toe-to-toe with everyone you encounter. And it doesn’t mean that someone has to lose in every interaction. 

But if does mean that sometimes, it will be this way. 

Your acceptance of this truth, combined with your willingness to handle it, is more an energy than an action. 

That energy in itself, coincidentally, is the main reason you’ll rarely need to put it into motion. But you do need to have it. 

The Bulletproof Mindset Manual is a 383-page guidebook created to help you be mentally unbreakable. Get the Manual here: http://WorkOnMyGame.com/BPMM

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