If You’re Clueless, I’m Not Your Detective

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Basketball players come to me after getting cut at basketball tryouts.

I tried out and I didn’t make the team.

Sometimes an explanation follows.

I got nervous.

I didn’t play my best.

I was the best one there and still got cut!

I’m a defensive player and the coach only likes scorers.

Sometimes there is no explanation. But the purpose of the message always ends up the same.

What should I do now/next time?

Reality Check: If you have no idea what to do next after you tried and failed at something, you have a problem. It’s a personal problem which also requires a personal solution. [shareable cite=”@dreallday “]If you have no idea what to do next after you tried and failed at something, you have a problem.[/shareable]

Solutions require you asking yourself good, proactive questions (my book Ask Yourself A Better Question will be here soon as this link) and acting on the answers.

This is YOUR JOB.

And I tell players exactly that. Or I’ll ask a player, what do YOU think you need to do now?

The answer reveals that the player magically does have solutions for himself. Or, the player is playing stupid with well, I don’t know what else I can do!

If you don’t know how to help yourself, neither do I. Good luck living the rest of your life not knowing anything.

Sometimes, if this exchange happens in an online comment section, someone else will come in and “save” the helpless player.

You have to work hard, man! Start practicing your game and really believe in yourself. Use Dre’s videos for guidance and be ready next time!! Believe you can do it!!

And the questioning player now feel he’s been “helped.”

Bullshit.

You knew all of that cliched garbage before you came to me. And if that was all you needed, you’d be on the team by now.

What you actually need are 2 slaps in the face. 

  1. The first comes from life itself; your failure gave you that slap.
  2. Your other slap is not by me or some random commentator or anyone else online, but from yourself.

That’s what I had to do when I got cut from my high school team as a junior. I didn’t go crying to mommy or running to the internet for help. I knew, if I was going to succeed in my sport, I would be the person making it happen. And if I couldn’t talk sense into myself when I needed it, I might as well have quit right there on the spot. [shareable cite=”@dreallday “]If you can’t talk sense into yourself when you need it, you might as well have quit right now.[/shareable]

But what about getting words of encouragement from others? Isn’t that valuable, Dre?

Sure it is. But what will you do the next time you come up short on a goal (and there WILL BE a next time)? Go ask for help again? Hope internet commentators can build up your confidence again?

When do you become mentally tough enough to handle yourself?

No better time than the present.

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